killing me softly...<3

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 03:03:46 GMT

Something I wrote...

Ana please don’t die
I have no control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I hate you
I love you
You help me to cope
You keep me alive by killing me
Without you there is no hope
I don’t care if everyone around can see
Love me to the bones
Ana please don’t die
I need you
I don’t know why

A good song...

Lisa Loeb – She’s Falling Apart

They pull up our chairs to the table.
She stares at the food on her plate
At the toast and the butter, her father and mother,
she pushes away.

And they rise in the morning,
and they sleep in the dark.
And even though nobody's looking,
she's falling apart.

She gets home from school too early
and closes the door to her room
There's nothing inside her,
she's weak and she's tired of feeling like this.

And they rise in the morning,
and they sleep in the dark.
And even though nobody's looking,
she's falling apart.

They call her for dinner, she makes up a reason
she looks at her arms and she rolls down her sleeves
and her mother is starting to see through her lies
and last night her father had tears in his eyes.

And they rise in the morning,
and they sleep in the dark.
And even though nobody's looking,
she's falling apart.

And we rise in the morning
and we sleep in the dark
and even though nobody's looking,
she's falling apart

My obsession, my life, my control...

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 00:41:45 GMT

Please die Ana
For as long as you're here we're not
You make the sound of laughter
and sharpened nails seem softer
And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

Imagine pageant
In my head the flesh seems thicker
Sandpaper tears corrode the film

And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

And you're my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an Anorexia life

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
Open fire on the needs designed
Open fire on my knees desires
On my knees for you

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 17:30:14 GMT

I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control,
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 01:57:48 GMT

Drop down and get your eagle on, girl
She's got that sweat drippin' all over her body
Do you like that sweat drippin' all over my body?
Yea, I like that
That sweat drippin' all over your body
You like that sweat drippin' all over my body...
Kailey

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 01:47:00 GMT

Sorry it's been so long...i've been MADDDDD busy! School has been rough lately, and we have so many tests, and im trying hard to study a lot and do my best. This weekend I went to the beach with my mom, some of her friends, and Lauren. It was a lot of fun, and it was beautiful weather. I'm glad I finally got to get away. I started my diet today, im at 118 and my goal is to be 105....so i have 13 pounds to loose,this should be challenging, so wish me luck! Last week was not a good week...fighting with friends, I continued doing really stupid things I recently started, the Ben was upset with me, maddd rumors spread, and i had a doctor appointment and uped my dosage and i seem to be doing a lot better than last week. This weekend definately made up for last week. I realized you just got to keep your head up no matter what :)

Anyway today Dana and I chilled after school and went for a run. Omg I'm so out of shape, but I plan on running every day so it should get better.

This weekend my mom is supposed to be going away so I'm gonna have Dana over one night and hopefully Ben another. Should be some good times...hopefully she goes :( I'll be so upset if she doesn't..

Oh yeah and I'm getting my cell back in about two weeks...

Anyway got a lot of homework to do, and I'm tired from getting home really late from the beach last night..I'll post pictures later! Love yaaaaaaaaaa's

Katya, I miss youuuu :(
Kailey

recent pictures i thought i'd share...

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 15:53:41 GMT

dana and i, woah...my smile :-/

me being retarted with ben's soccer jacket...

random....

another random one of me...

Kailey

Nothing is alright...

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 00:49:41 GMT

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright

You don't want to smile and you dont want to fake being happy, but at the same time you don't know exactly what is wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone, people have stopped being comforting, and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one constanly asks you what is wrong, and there isn't anyone who wont take "I don't know" for an answer .. you feel the way you do just because.

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
Wish I was too dead to care
If I ever cared at all
Never had a voice
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Try to get some rest now, sleep's not coming easy for a while
But I hear sound echo in the emptiness
All around, but I can't change this loneliness
Look at what I've found
I'm falling down

I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
This life is like a game sometimes

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like...
Welcome to my life

She told him she'd rather fix her makeup
Than try to fix what's going on
But her problems keep on calling
Even with her phone off
She told him that she believes in living
Bigger than she's living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards
And everything is upsidedown

The stars will cry the blackest tears tonight

I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight

She's wishing on stars that shine so bright,
For answers to questions that will haunt her tonight...

What goes on inside is a mystery no doubt.
Rollercoaster ride, I may never work it out.

Nobody's on my side
Nobody seems to see
How much
How far
How deep
These things can be

Be strong now. Too many problems. It's where she lies - broken inside. Wth no place to go to dry her eyes, broken inside. Her feelings - she hides. Her dreams - she can't find. She's loosing her mind. She's falling behind. She can't find her place. She's loosing her fate. She's falling from grace. She's all over the place. She's lost inside, lost inside.

There's a million reasons why I cry,
Hold my covers tight and close my eyes.

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess her father made
So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too.

Kailey

Where you are is where I want to be...

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 18:29:52 GMT

Hey...I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted...I've been so busy with trying to do good in school, being sick, and basically just life. The first week of school was pretty good. First week was a four day week, and next week is too. This is my schedule...

1- Algebra 2
2- Biology
3- Study Hall
4- Chorus (B,C,D,E days), Study Hall (A and F days)
5- TACE
6- Gym (A,B,C days), Home Economics (D,E,F days, 1st semester), Driver's Ed (D,E,F days, 2nd semester)
7- Language Arts
8- Lunch
9- American History
10-Spanish 3

Last night was the first football game. Jill, Dana, Jen and I all went to it. It was sooo good to see Jen again. I'm so sad that she moved away. We had some good times last night catching up and everything! We were there for a while and then Ben came over near where I was, and I ran up to him and gave him a big hug and he was just like ,"Hi, I have to go back over to where I was." and he walked away. After the game Jill, Dana, and I went to The Tavern with the football team and cheerleaders and chilled for a while and then headed back to my house.

Ben started talking to me online and apologizing...,"beautiful i just want to say im soo soo so so so so soo so so so so so sorry about everything all i have been is a dick to you i havent even really talked to you for ever it seems and im just a dick and im sorry about tongiht not even really talking to you but i was really pissed off at some shit and then i heard stuff someone said you said or whatever so i didnt even want to talk to you because i thought you were really pissed off at me which i can understand and im jsut so so sorry cuse you dont deserve any of this shit that ive been doing to you so i wont even be suprised if you dont like me any more." I called him and we talked for the longest time and we had the biggest heart to heart, and I cried the whole time we were talking, and the rest of the night. For him to really open up is a big deal, and he was telling me how his whole family had a big fight with him last night about how his life is so fucked up, and they're sick of it. He told me how it really hurt and he couldn't handle it and he did a lot of stuff last night, and when he saw me at the game he felt so bad and he couldn't talk to me because he knew he had let me down. He also told me how I'm the best and only good thing that has ever happened to him in his life. I talked to him about how I really cared for him a lot, and I was really worried about him. I just want him to be happy, when I told him that he told me how he wishes I could do something, but it's just him, and he's so messed up. I think last night really brought us closer, and I will do anything for him to be happy. He really means a lot to me, and it hurts me so bad to see him hurting like this, and feeling the same thing I'm having to go through, maybe even worse. I guess some of my tears last night were tears of joy because I know he really cares for me a lot, but some were because of the pain I feel, and the pain I feel for him.

I think I was the only sober, not fucked up person out of like 500 people on Main Street last night. It makes me so depressed to see people getting fucked up every night, and thinking nothing of it. There is so much more to life than that...

Anyway Dana and I went to the Bean Cellar this morning for breakfast, and just chilled. I love the atmosphere of that place. She just went home about an hour ago. My mom called me then and she was crying like crazy because her boyfriend broke up with her, so I was trying to make her feel better. I feel so bad :( She called me a little bit ago again, and she's doing better, which I'm really glad about. I'm getting ready to go get a shower and get ready and stuff. Katya called me earlier and asked me to go out to dinner with her. I love that girl so much. We have the best conversations, and she always makes me feel so much better, and I hope I make her feel better too. :) Anyway Ben has a soccer tournament today that started around 8 or 9 this morning, so I'm not sure what time that goes to, but if it's not too late I'm gonna ask him to hang out tonight. I want to be there for him. Kailey

Dorney Park Pictures <3...

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 02:50:01 GMT

Pictures from Dorney Park...

Ali and I

One hot mama ;-)

Me and Jill are weiiird! :)

Dana and I blingin' (bahaha)

Ali, Dana, and I...(we love our boys)

Me, Jill, Ali, and Dana...we're so crazy :)

Kailey

When we're hungry, love will keep us alive...

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 01:23:11 GMT

Ughh tomorrow is the first day of school :( ...I'm sooo not looking forward to it, at all. I can't believe the summer is over already. It seems like we were just getting out, and now we're going back already.
Yesterday Jill, Dana, Ali, and I all went to Dorney Park. It was fun. Then we walked around and looked at all the hot college guys who just moved in. Main Street was ridiculously full. They they all slept at my house, and this morning Jill had to go to work. Then Ali, Dana, and I went to the Bagel Bar for breakfast and stuff. Then Dana, Ben, Fegely, and I went to Dana's house and went swimming, and Ben and I took a nap. I love his smile so much. It's been so hot these last couple days and I can't wait for fall so it cools down.
Anyway I'm gonna go because I have to get my crap ready for tomorrow, and go to bed so I can get up at 5:45 tomorrow morning. Oh man, this is gonna be hell. I'm stressed out already, and it hasn't even been my first day. Wish me luck :)
Kailey

She's left, cleaning up the mess her father made

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 19:07:50 GMT

I love this song...especially the lyrics (which are so true), so I decided to post it...

John Mayer - Daughters

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess her father made

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

Kailey

I tried to forget you, I tried to walk away, but it's too late...

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 18:57:28 GMT

Heyyyyy...yesterday was some fun stuff! I got like 5 sweaters when I went shopping with Jill, and I saw these totally cute sneakers that I just have to havee! The soccer game was good even though Benny didn't play :( The baseball game was pretty fun too...not quite as funny as the last one, but pretty damn funny....

Highlights of the night (Dana) - BAH!!! :)

*simba
*hey mami...no sorry its papi, papi papi, papi chulo
*pete the second
*boshta
*will you be our friend?
*oh dont worry hunny, im just looking
*yo yo yo my name be roqueef
*get your paws off of my tit...NOW
*little billy had a small willy
*gilligan
*shaniqua don't live here no more
*age limits
*road rage
*physco stalker

Anyway Dana slept over then last night and we walked around a while and some of our friends were at West's around twelve or so, so we chilled there for a while. KPD SUCKS!

This morning we went to the bagel bar and I got one of those aweeeomsee frozen caramel lattes (yummy!), and tonight I'm going to get school supply crap and if I'm lucky those awesomeeeee sneakerss! (smiles) and then also to a meeting!

Ben is so adorable.."i fell back asleep just because i was able to hear your voice." (aww)

Here are some pictures....

I'm gonna go get a shower n get ready...muahhh <3...x0
Kailey

I'm stronger than I ever thought that I could be...

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 05:11:27 GMT

I have to go to bed soon, but I wanted to post before I did. I'm so excited for tomorrow! Jill and I are going school shopping from like ten till four...woot! Then at four we're going to watch the guys play their soccer scrimmage at the high school. Ben's not playing though because of his back. Then at six Dana and I are going to a baseball game like forty minutes away. I'm not a big sports fan, but I have fun with that girl no matter what. Then I'm pretty sure she's sleeping over tomorrow night. Anyway I better go get some sleep so I can actually get up tomorrow! Much loveeee <3
Kailey

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 21:18:03 GMT

Monday Dana and I hung out in the day and just walked all over town. Then we went to Jill's and hung out and talked and left funny messages on people's phones (it was some good times). Then all the girls came over. I did Dana's hair (it was funnn). I love doing hair and make-up! Then the guys called (Steve, Tim, and Eric) and said they were coming over. We made Ali dress up in this ridiculous outfit for when Tim came and it was soooo funny! So I got to meet Eric...and his arms...owww! He seems like a nice friend. Then the guys left and Me, Jill, Dana, and Sara walked around town at like one in the morning and these really freaky guys kept driving by. Then we all went back to Jill's and watched Big Fish. It's a pretty good movie.

Yesterday I slept in at Jill's really late. Then Me, Dana, Jill, and Pat all went to lunch and me and the girls chilled at my house a while. Dana left, and then Jill had to go to work but it was only for a half hour instead of 4 hours so she came back to my house. We made dinner...pasta and garlic bread (it was really good)! Then we hung out with Pat and Ben at Jill's house and watched the Italian Job. I slept over then.

Today I came home around 8:00 and I had only gotten a few hours of sleep so I was ubberrr tired. I cleaned my room a little bit and then took a nap, which was a lot longer than I wanted it to be or expected it to be. I woke up around 2:00 and called Ali about Dorney on Saturday (I am soo excited)!

I honestly am not ready for school at all. It's almost 4 days away and I have a lot of school shopping to do yet, and I go to bed at like 4:00 every night (morning :) haha) and I'm gonna have to get up at 6:00 every morning. ughh I dont wanna go back at all...

Kailey

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 07:54:16 GMT

woww...i just found this song...and parts of it remind me of my life situation right now and what i need to do...

Rascal Flatts - Moving On Lyrics

I've dealt with my ghosts
And I've Faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your
Moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame
Trapped in the past for too long

I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place
And I know all the faces
Each one is different
But they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up
Where I don't belong

I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see
Life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees
But, I'm not alone

There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by (are the years
passing by)
And I have made up my mind
that those days are gone

I sold what I could
And packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should
But lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me
Somewhere down this road

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

Kailey

survey <3

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 07:48:58 GMT

Y 0 U</marquee>
[ .01. ] first name: kailey
[ .02. ] middle name: lauren
[ .03. ] last name: m.
[ .04. ] nickname(s): kail, cupcake, shorty
[ .05. ] gender: female
[ .06. ] birthday: august 10
[ .07. ] height: 5'2"
[ .08. ] hair color: blonde
[ .09. ] eye color: blue/green
[ .010. ] do you wear glasses or contacts: neither
[ .011. ] do you have braces: nope
[ .012. ] is your hair long or short: around shoulder length, or a little longer
[ .013. ] where were you born: pa
[ .014. ] current location: hmm
[ .015. ] zodiac sign: leo
[ .016. ] how many languages do you know: english fluently and a bit of spanish
[ .017. ] what laungage do you want to learn: Spanish...fluently
[ .018. ] bad habits: cracking my knuckles
[ .019. ] piercing you have: My ears double, my belly button
[ .020. ] piercing you want: top of my ear and maybe my nose
[ .021. ] tattoos you have: none...yet
[ .023. ] today: monday
[ .024. ] today's date: august 23, 2004
[ .025. ] the time: 3:13 am
[ .026. ] ready for a bunch more questions: sure...i can't sleep anyway

F A M i L Y</marquee>
[ .027. ] parents divorced: yes
[ .029. ] brother's name: none
[ .030. ] sister's name: none
[ .031. ] favorite aunt: none
[ .032. ] favorite uncle: none
[ .033. ] favorite grandparent: my grandma that died :(
[ .036. ] worst relative: almost all
[ .037. ] best relative: my mom
[ .038. ] do you get along with your parents: not my dad
[ .039. ] does anyone in your family understand you?: my mom...sometimes

P E T S</marquee>
[ .040. ] do you have any pets: not anymore :(
[ .041. ] what are their names: ...
[ .042. ] what kind of animals are they: ...

S C H 0 0 L</marquee>
[ .043. ] are you still in school: out for the summer
[ .044. ] did you drop out: no
[ .045. ] current gpa: not sure haha
[ .046. ] favorite grade: 7th
[ .047. ] least favorite grade: hm...
[ .048. ] favorite teacher: machamer, sanders
[ .049. ] least favorite teacher: darion
[ .050. ] favorite subject: language arts, art
[ .051. ] least favorite subject: math
[ .052. ] do/did you buy lunch or bring it: buy
[ .053. ] play any sports on the school's team: maybe cheerleading this year
[ .054. ] do/did you do any extracurricular activities: plays, used to cheerlead, do gymnastics, and dance
[ .055. ] are/was you popular: i dunno, i have a lot of friends, but i wouldnt say im popular
[ .056. ] favorite dance: i just love it all
[ .057. ] favorite memory: i dont really have just one
[ .058. ] favorte memory you want to have: wedding day
[ .059. ] least favorite memory: both of my grandma's deaths, my parents splitting up
[ .060. ] most humiliating moment: im not sure

F A V 0 R i T E S</marquee>
[ .061. ] number: 21
[ .062. ] letter: k
[ .063. ] shoes: high heels or flip flops
[ .064. ] saying(s): AYEAHYA!!!
[ .065. ] TV show: the OC
[ .066. ] sport: i like to watch football
[ .067. ] vegetable: i like most of them
[ .068. ] fruit: looove fruittt!
[ .069. ] movie: a walk to remember + the notebook
[ .070. ] magazine: cosmo
[ .071. ] actor: shane west, adam sandler
[ .072. ] actress: marilyn monroe
[ .073. ] candy: lolipops, gummy bears
[ .074. ] gum: eclipse, juicy fruit
[ .075. ] scent: august by hollister
[ .076. ] candy bar: milky way
[ .077. ] ice cream flavor: vanilla, strawberry, cotton candy
[ .078. ] color: pink
[ .079. ] season: summer and fall
[ .080. ] holiday: christmas
[ .081. ] band: oh man a lot
[ .082. ] singer: a lot
[ .083. ] group: a lot
[ .084. ] rapper: a lot
[ .085. ] type of music: rap, rock, country
[ .086. ] thing in your room: computer
[ .087. ] place to be: cancun, mexico or with my friends :)
[ .089. ] tv channel: mtv, lifetime, or wb
[ .090. ] junk food: bbq chips
[ .091. ] overall food: salads or wraps
[ .092. ] store: hollister, abercrombie, ae
[ .093. ] hangout: the mall
[ .094. ] fast food: fries
[ .095. ] restaurant: applebees, olive garden, judy's
[ .096. ] shape: heart
[ .097. ] time of day: night
[ .098. ] country: I've only been to two..U.S. and Mexico
[ .099. ] state: not sure...
[ .100. ] boys name: anything unique
[ .101. ] girls name: anything unique
[ .102. ] mall: king of prussia
[ .103. ] video game: ....
[ .104. ] shampoo: pantene pro-v, herbal essences
[ .105. ] board game: ...
[ .106. ] computer game: ....
[ .107. ] car: mustangs, eclipses, bmw's, celica's
[ .108. ] music video: the one with the blanket on mtv..bahaha dana!
[ .109. ] swear word: fuck
[ .110. ] word: ayeahya!
[ .111. ] month: july
[ .112. ] cartoon character: n/a
[ .113. ] scary movie: the ring
[ .114. ] team: phillies
[ .115. ] possession: my cell phone

P R i V A T E L i F E</marquee>
[ .186. ] do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: no
[ .187. ] do you have a crush: yes
[ .188. ] do you love anyone right now: no
[ .189. ] have you ever been in love: once
[ .190. ] how many people have you kissed: omg...12
[ .191. ] who was your first kiss: michael
[ .192. ] how many hearts of have you broken: not sure
[ .193. ] how many people broke your heart: 2
[ .194. ] best quote to sum up love: Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.
[ .195. ] so what is your bf/gflike:don't have one
[ .196. ] do you have a picture of him/her: i don't have one
[ .197. ] please post it if you do: ....
[.198. ] do you have a picture of yourself: yes
[ .199. ] please post it if you do:...maybe later haha
[ .200. ] do you go by looks or personality: personality
[ .201. ] ever kiss a friend: Yes
[ .202. ] are you still friends: Yes
[ .203. ] so moving along..do you smoke cigarretes: no
[ .204. ] do you smoke weed: no, i used to
[ .205. ] ever trip on acid: no
[ .206. ] how about a little x: no
[ .207. ] crack, heroin, anything else: no
[ .208. ] beer good or beer bad: bad
[ .209. ] are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: no
[ .210. ] do you like smirnoff ice: yea
[ .211. ] prefer beer or liquor: liquor, i used to drink so much shit
[ .212. ] what kind of cigarettes do you smoke: none
[ .213. ] are you a virgin: yes
[ .214. ] if no, when was the last time: never

W 0 U L D Y 0 U EVER..</marquee>
[ .215. ] bungee jump: Yes
[ .216. ] sky dive: Maybe
[ .217. ] swim with dolphins: Yeah
[ .218. ] scuba dive: yea
[ .219. ] go rock climbing: yeah
[ .220. ] eat shit for $1,000,000: nope
[ .221. ] turn your back on your friends for personal gain: nope
[ .222. ] steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: no...it's happened to me by my cousin/ex-best friend and i would never put someone through that
[ .223. ] cross-dress: yeah to be funny
[ .224. ] lie to the police: been there... done that
[ .225. ] run from the police: Maybe
[ .226. ] lie to your parents:oh yea
[ .227. ] walk up to a stranger and kiss them: haha maybe if i was in a daring mood
[ .228. ] be an exotic dancer: hahaha
[ .229. ] walk out of a restaurant without paying: no
[ .230. ] streak: yea, i have

LAST PERSON WHO:</marquee>
[ .231 ] was in your bed: me
[ .232 ] you called: dana
[ .234 ] called you: ali
[ .233 ] sent you an email: dana
[ .235 ] you saw a movie with: my mom
[ .236 ] came over: ben
[ .237 ] saw you change: dana
[ .238 ] sang with you: dana

ARE YOU</marquee>
[ .239 ] bored: yeah
[ .240 ] wishing it were another day: yeah, tomorrow
[ .241 ] thinking of someone: yea
[ .242 ] if so, who: my wonderful friendsss :)
[ .243 ] hot: no
[ .244 ] being talked to: no
[ .245 ] multitasking: no
[ .246 ] reading a book: not right this minute
[ .247 ] The Notebook

DO YOU</marquee>
[ .248 ] tell your friends everything: some of them
[ .249 ] cling to memories: sometimes
[ .250 ] think too often: yeah
[ .251 ] have a job: no
[ .252 ] make prank calls: haha yeah, sometimes
[ .253 ] skip meals: yeah
[ .254 ] collect anything: not really...clothes, shoes haha
[ .255 ] doodle: yeah
[ .256 ] do chores: yeah
[ .257 ] cause trouble: hell yes

HAVE Y0U EVER:</marquee>
[ .258. ] flashed someone: yes
[ .259. ] told a person how you felt bout them: yes
[ .260. ] been to michigan: no
[ .262. ] gone to jail or juvi: no
[ .263. ] skateboarded: yes
[ .264. ] skinny dipped: yes
[ .265. ] stolen anything: no
[ .266. ] wanted to kick my ass for making this so long: not really
[ .267. ] kicked someone's ass: no... but i've wanted to
[ .268. ] pegged someone in the head with a snowball: yeah! bahaha
[ .269. ] broke a beer bottle: yeah
[ .270. ] gotten into a bar, under-aged: no
[ .271. ] kissed someone of the same sex: yes
[ .273. ] gone on a road trip: yes
[ .274. ] gone on vacation without adult supervision: sorta
[ .275. ] been to a concert: yup
[ .276. ] been to another country: yeah
[ .277. ] talked back to an adult: yeah
[ .278. ] got pulled over: yes
[ .279. ] got in a car accident: yea
[ .280. ] broke a law: yea
[ .281. ] given money to a homeless person: yea
[ .282. ] tried to kill yourself: no
[ .283. ] cried to get out of trouble: yeas
[ .284. ] kissed a friend's brother or sister: yes
[ .285. ] kissed a brother or sister's friend: no, don't have any brothers or sisters
[ .286. ] dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyways: oh yea haha

0 P I N I 0 N S</marquee>
[ .287. ] what do you think...about pop music: some is ok
[ .288. ] about boy bands: nahh
[ .289. ] about flag burning: not cool
[ .290. ] of the war on terrorists: :(
[ .291. ] about suicide: i've wanted to, but i never tried
[ .292. ] about people who try to force their opinions on you: annoying
[ .293. ] about abortion: i think it's the woman's body and the woman's choice
[ .294. ] about rock/metal music: love it<3
[ .295. ] where do you think u'll be in 10 years: somewhere away from here, hopefully NYC
[ .296. ] who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: Katya, Jill, Dana, Ali

W H A T D I D Y 0 0 H D 0</marquee>
[ .297. ] last birthday: chilled with people, went out to dinner, and shopping
[ .298. ] yesterday: hung out with Ben and then went over to Katya's
[ .299. ] most recent weekend: i can't remember, omg haha
[ .300. ] christmas: opened presents
[ .301. ] thanksgiving: ate
[ .302. ] new year's: cried
[ .303. ] halloween: cried
[ .304. ] easter: nothing
[ .305. ] valentine's day: stayed up all day and night to write paul a love poem and bake him heart shaped cookies

T H E L A S T</marquee>
[ .306. ] thing you ate: salad
[ .307. ] thing you drank: diet pepsi
[ .308. ] thing you wore: abercrombie jeans, pink flip flops, green, pink, and purple belt from abercrombie, white tank top, and diamond + pink earrings
[ .309. ] place you went: mall/dinner
[ .310. ] thing you got pierced/tattooed: my belly button about a year ago
[ .311. ] person you saw: mom
[ .312. ] person you kissed: ben
[ .313. ] person you fucked: no one
[ .314. ] person you talked to: nick
[ .315. ] song you heard: goo goo dolls-iris

. : N 0 W : .</marquee>
[ .316. ] what are you eating: nothing
[ .317. ] what are you drinking: water
[ .318. ] what are you wearing: pajamas
[ .319. ] any shoes on: no
[ .320. ] hat: no
[ .321. ] listening to: ryan cabrera - true
[ .322. ] talking to anyone: nope
[ .323. ] are you pissed i made this so long: no

Y or N</marquee>
[ .324. ] are you a vegetarian: no
[ .325. ] do you like cows: no
[ .326. ] are you a bitch: no, not intentionally
[ .327. ] are you artistic: sometimes
[ .328. ] do you write poetry: yes
[ .329. ] are you a fast runner: hahahaha
[ .330. ] can you ski: no
[ .331. ] are you british: no
[ .332. ] do you want to spear britney: nope
[ .333. ] do the voices talk to you: sometimes
[ .334. ] did you ever give barbie a haircut: yea haha many times
[ .335. ] would you eat mac & cheese with hot dogs in it: yeah
[ .336. ] do you think disney creators were on acid when they made 'alice in wonderland: nope
[ .337. ] are you straight: yes
[ .338. ] are you stupid, insane, and another physically handicapped: sometimes yeah lol, blonde if that counts
[ .339. ] are you nice : yes
[ .340. ] are you naughty: sometimes
[ .341. ] are you short: yes
[ .342. ] are you tall: haha...NO
[ .343. ] do you own a hot pink shirt: yea
[ .344. ] how about orange pants: No
[ .345. ] can you see the flying monkeys: ???
[ .346. ] are you evil : nope
[ .347. ] did you ever know someone who had a mullet: nope hahaha mullets are so awesome
[ .348. ] is britney a whore: no
[ .349. ] are you a teenage zombie: no
[ .350. ] am i annoying you?: sometimes
[ .351. ] do you like marilyn manson: nahh
[ .352. ] are you secretly from another planet: no
[ .353. ] did you ever touch someone else's private parts: yes[ .354. ] this is over are you happy now: FINALLY, im tireddd
Kailey

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 07:08:31 GMT

Today was good. I slept in, that's a given :). Then I called my Dad and asked him if he maybe wanted to do something, and yay we finally got to hang out. We went to the mall and I got a peach and white striped polo, and a light yellow and tan tank top that was on sale for 7 bucks, it was normally like 30, a white belt(finally), and this pearl bracelet. Then Dana and Ali called me while I was at the mall and asked me if I wanted to hang out with them, Steve, Tim, and their friend Eric who saw me and really wants to meet me. I was going out to eat with my Dad after the mall, so I didn't get to, but they said I should definately meet him because he's really sweet and hilarious! You can never have too many friends :)
I've been thinking a lot today. I'm really scared...about the Ben thing that is. Don't get me wrong I like him a lot, he's so sweet, and I can just be myself around him, and that means a lot to me because I could never do that before. But with me going through rehab this year and realizing I have an addiction problem, and a definite problem with alcohol and that drugs and alochol don't solve any problems. Using doesn't cure depression, or make it go away, it only makes it worse. I made a lot of stupid mistakes, and there are many things I regret from when I was using, and I feel so much happier and better since I've stopped drinking and smoking. I now know what true friends really are, and I know who mine are. I've seen so many people close to me - friends and family have their lives ruined by alcohol and drugs and I don't want to end up like that. Ben drinks all the time, and I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend who drank once in awhile, but I mean this is hardcore and he doesn't understand that I have a problem and why I don't want to drink, and I mean some days it takes all I have to not go out and drink, but I'm staying strong and I'm not going to do it if my life depends on it. I never want to be in that state of depression again, ever. That was the worst year of my life. I just wish he would open up his eyes and see how not cool it really is. I mean just last night a girl I know was peeing on someones living room carpet, vomiting and spitting all over herself, and later that night ended up in the hospital getting her stomach pumped with IV'S everywhere. She's lucky she's alive, and so am I. I just wish a lot of the kids around here would wake up. That is not how I want to live the rest of my life, hangover after hangover, mistake after mistake, practically killing myself and ruining my life. I just really care about Ben a lot and I wish he would see that this crap can kill you, and in all reality is it really worth it? I mean there's nothing wrong with having a drink or two if you can, but puking all over yourself and being shitfaced every night?
Anyway I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. Dana is coming over around 12, 1 and we're just gonna chillll. Then we're heading over to Jill's around 6 and chillin with a lot of the girls. It should be fun. I can't wait to see what kinda shit we get ourselves into :) bahaha
Kailey

From now on...

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 06:36:39 GMT

I've realized I got me, myself and I,
That's what I found out,
That ain't no need to cry,
I took a vow that from now on,
I'm gonna be my own best friend...
Kailey♥

It

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 08:53:04 GMT

There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's nothing inbetween
You know the truth
There's nothing left to face
Nothing left to loose
When they say you're not strong
You're not weak
It's not your fault
There's nothing left to prove
Nothing I won't do
Nothing like the pain I feel
Nothing left to hide
Nothing left to fear
What I want
What I lost
What I had
Is over
What I have
What I love
What I need
Is real
It's not enough
It's not enough
I'm sorry
It's not enough
Kailey♥

There's a million reasons why I cry...

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 08:47:31 GMT

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I'm not breathing I'm suffocating
When I'm in the dark and all alone
There's a million reasons why I cry
Hold my covers tight and close my eyes
Beacause I don't want to be alone
Watch me bleed, would you listen please
I give in
I breathe out
I freak out
I'm left out
I'm crossed out
I'm kicked out
I cry out
I reach out
Kailey♥

So sick of this crap, so sick of it

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 08:40:07 GMT

My eyes burn from these tears
You think you'd learn over these years
Good things won't last forever
Sometimes I feel I could drop off the face of the earth
It seems I do more harm than good
And I don't know if it's worth me loosing sleep over this
Kailey♥

How many times have you been pushed around?

Sat, 21 Aug 2004 09:20:33 GMT

Yesterday I slept till like four. My Dad was supposed to see me for my birthday (which was almost 2 weeks ago), but he completely blew me off so I asked Dana if she wanted to sleep over. Then me, Dana, and Ben hung out for a while and I just started balling. They were both really there for me and made me feel a lot better which was really nice. I can't believe my Dad. I called him and he wouldn't even give me a reason why he didn't want to see me, he just told me he decided to go to dinner with other people. I was so upset. Anyway today I went to depression counseling, and I bitched for like an hour and a half and I felt so much better afterwards. Then I went to the Lonestar for dinner and to a meeting afterwards. Then I got a shirt and some earrings. I cried so much today, I can't take it anymore. Tomorrow Ben is staying home instead of taking his sister college, to spend time with me to try and cheer me up. He's so sweet. I'm glad I know I have people who really do care about me, those being...my Mom, Katya, Jill, Dana, Ali, and Ben. I adore them with all of my heart. They have always been there for me, and it means the world to me to know that there are true friends out there. I LOVE YOU ALL! Thanks for keeping me alive when I just wanted to die.Kailey♥

Daddy...

Sat, 21 Aug 2004 09:11:39 GMT

Dad,
The rain is falling so hard tonight. It's my way of showing you how you make me feel inside. Deep inside of me it rains so hard. I'm so sick of your broken promises, and completely disgusted with our "relationship". I'm sick of having to act like I'm the parent, and being let down constantly. I'm tired of giving so much, and trying to have a normal father/daughter relationship with you, and getting absolutely nothing in return. If you only knew how much you hurt me constantly. All I do is cry. I want you to know that I love you, and it would mean the world to me to be a part of your life, and just mean something to you. I wish you could see how much I care about you. I hope you're out there somewhere missing me as much as I miss you.

Love Always,
Your Daughter,
Kailey Lauren
Kailey♥

Crazyyyyyy times w/ the girls ...<3

Sat, 21 Aug 2004 07:38:55 GMT

here are some recent pictures...

Kailey♥

I am...

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 19:56:12 GMT

You're Marilyn Monroe!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Kailey♥